If you’re white, you know what I’m talking about. You have a job or somewhere you have to get to, and walking is part of that. Be it a sidewalk, hallway, or escalator, there is at least some part that will require walking. Sadly, there is also some part that will require dealing with the dreaded Slow Walker.

These things are always blocking your path like a damn fat molecule or whatever it is that’s clogs arteries these days. What’s worse is that they seem to cluster together just like humans do. So if you see one, you’ll more than likely see 2 or 3 munching away on their bags of chips like horses with feedbags.

If left together in a narrow path for more than a few seconds, such as on a sidewalk or escalator, white people will be forced to gather behind them causing what is called a Slow Walker Infarction. This happens when the white people are too polite to cut through, or merely afraid of being doused with Slow Walker cheeto dust as they attempt to get by. Whatever the reason, it sucks, and white people hate it. Slow Walkers must not get in trouble for being late.